Epic Fail

You know it has been a good night out when at 4:30 in the morning you are sending a text to your friends, that reads, "Where is

St. Lawrence Ave

? Because that is where I woke up on the train." Epic Fail, I had had a long day at work, and figured it would be a quite night in afterwards, but no that was so not the case. The "what are you doing tonight?" texts, started coming into my phone around 6pm as I was starting to clear up my desk. After a flurry of texts and time management I had a pretty full evening in the works, first up, meet Alex at Bryant park and check out his booth, I can't stress enough how excited I am about the Holiday season in New York City, even though the weather has been on the warm side.
Bryant Park, Grand Central station and

Union Square

all set up these little villages where different merchants hock their wears. So my friend Alex walked around and took in the sights, the Ice Rink was in full swing as well and the Ultra hip Bar and Lounge called Celsius, this temporary two story bar has floor to ceiling windows overlooking the rink and the rest of the park, and is a great place to sit and people watch. After a trip to

south street

seaport, Alex and I parted ways and I headed off to my next stop for the evening, the West Village, now after four years of friendship I should be well aware of Rhett Time, this wonderfully generous, handsome, talented man has the worse sense of time on the face of the earth. So there I was waiting for Rhett at the Monster and staring at Jon-E my friend who happened to bartending that night, after an hour or so Rhett shows up and we have a drink, then I bounce off to stop three for the night. Williamsburg is not really on my first place to go on a Friday night, but when one has a dear friend visiting from out of state and on her Birthday, you don't ignore that call. So with passport and foreign visa in hand I set across the Great East River and into the wilds of the Hipsters Motherland.
Arriving at Metropolitan bar I was greeted by a dear friend Wade who was slinging Vodka Sodas and PBR's after a hey girl hey, I drifted off to find my friends. Fast forward after to many Bourbon rocks, it's now 2:45am and I have to head home, drunk and sleepy, I made my way on to L train and then to Union Square, I remember getting onto the 6 train and closing my eyes for a brief moment, I was soon jolted awake and looking up at the announcement board I realized I had gone 18 stops further than my intended destination.  FAIL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So the moral of the story is if you need to fall asleep on the Train after a hard night of drinking make sure you have a seat buddy to wake you up, otherwise you will be riding the train all night.

Glee: Never Been Kissed

So like most of American and in particular Gay America I was tuned in last night to the most current episode of GLEE! Eagerly awaiting what new, fun, and snappy numbers the kids at McKinnley High would do. I thus confronted with an episode on bullying and in particular that of Kurt Hummel and his naviagtion through the hellish hallways of High School. As the only openly gay kid this somewhat stoic and strong young man is starting to breakdown. This kid is one slurpee or locker push away from emptying a .45 into the School Cafeteria. I was watching awe as Kurt finally found someone who could relate to his angst, and felt a little tear come to my eye.

Now I came out the summer between my Sophomore and Junior year of High School. I was the only openly gay kid at my school. This was in 1992 before it was cool to be gay, in actuality I think I made it cool, well at Rancho Bernardo High School anyway. It was an interesting proccess, and to be honest I had no real guidence as to who to talk to, where to meet boys and girls my age that could relate. I came out at the begining of the summer well at least to a few of my friends at first so I had all summer to figure out what the whole being gay thing was all about. I did stumble onto the Gay and Lesbian youth league, group, whatever it was called, but being a very sheltered, white kid from the upper class inland valley suburbs of San Diego, I had no real way of relating to these kids, other than we were all gay. the cadyness, the queening out of most of the guys, it was just all a little over the top for me. Where did I fit in, what would be my contribution to the conversation. So after the first meeting and outing they had I was pretty much "peace out bitches" I will figure this out on my own.

I was lucky, sort of like Kurt Hummel in Glee, we both had a pretty awesome support team, in our family, and our friends. The one thing I do have to say is that I was never really physically harassed by anyone sure I had the ocassional "Fag" "Homo" and other colorful colloquialisms. I really couldn't understand how I made it through 4 years of high school without getting my ass kicked, but there it is. Unlike Kurt Hummel, I did get my first boy on boy kiss from the same guy I lost my Virginity to Paul. I was lucky because I met Paul as he was coming out of the closest as well, and he was 21 I was 17. It was very romantic and sweet, but it didn't last very long and we both experienced a lot of firsts together and he will always have a special place in my heart. But I still hadn't really figured out what it was to be gay, or at least figure out how this little bit of me would factor into my life. I had surrounded myself with my friends who like me had a lust for life a drivers liscense, and a hefty allowance, so naturally we would leave the confines of our little suburban nest, and made our way to Downtown San Diego, Pacific Beach, La Jolla, and of course Hillcrest (our little Castro District)

It was in the gay coffeehouses of University Ave and the Gaslamp Quarter, that experienced the amazing cross section of gay and straight society, well as amazing and diverse as you can get in southern California.
I found various thoughts and ideologies, but still no real love. Oh sure there was the love of  my friends and family, but where was the romance, where was that spark that would send the sparks in to the sky. Did it exist?

As the years have progressed, I think I can say there may have been once or twice that there was that spark, the little butterflies in your tummy feeling, but was that love or the carne asada burritto I had at lunch, who's to say. Now here I am at 35 and watching a television series about High School kids wishing I could go back and do it all over again, I really enjoyed High School there were no major scars from it, other than maybe I haven't been able to let go of the experience, but why should I? I had fun, there are a few things I would have done differntly, I would have been more deligent with my school work, really had tjhought about going to college, and followed through, and would have taken a few more risks and try and make out with a few boys at my school. But one can't go back and we have to move forward right? That's what I have been told and it makes sense, but it seems like that there is a missing piece to my life and I think it may be that I want romance and love, sure I had my fair share of conquests over the years,  especially this past summer MAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! But i want a Norah Ephron, Cameron Crowe, Julia Roberts, Richard Gere romantic comedy kind of a romance.

All in all in all I have been kissed but I haven't been really kissed in a very long time.

Don't worry Kurt Hummel It Gets Better for a while and then it's crappy again but we all live and move.